After the apology

Ada: Forgiveness loses something essential when it is offered only after an offender has become the sort of person we would have liked all along. If I wait until every reason for resentment has disappeared, I have not forgiven resentment's object; I have discovered that it is gone. Forgiveness must involve giving up something I still have grounds to hold. Ben: Yet asking someone to give up justified resentment can simply make the injured person do the remaining work. An apology may leave the practical injury untouched. We should distinguish ceasing to wish someone ill from restoring them to a position of trust. The first can be generous; the second may be unwise. Ada: I agree about trust. A forgiven treasurer need not be appointed treasurer again. But if forgiveness is only a private adjustment that changes nothing in how I regard the person, what makes it more than an efficient way to stop being unhappy? Ben: Perhaps it changes the offender's place in your life without cancelling the account of what happened. That would be neither acquittal nor reinstatement.